Hope For The Holidays

This time of year is often a difficult time for those of us who suffer from a mental illness. We are often isolated, estranged from families or have fear of social situations.

Just over five years after I joined Recovery Canada and started to make the effort to improve my mental health I have a better understanding of that now.

The process has been a gradual one. The method we learn in recovery is a training method. I didn’t get sick overnight and I had to accept that I wouldn’t be well overnight.

We learn in recovery that fear is a belief and beliefs can be changed. How can changing our viewpoint of situations be of help? I know when I was new to recovery that was beyond my comprehension.

Recovery has given the opportunity to work on events as they occur. I have learned to work myself down and also to drop my judgement's towards other people, places and things. I take things less personally now and focus on controlling my inner environment (everything inside my skin). That is where the power is!

The holidays were a very distressing time for me in the early days. . I started working myself about the holidays pretty much right after Thanksgiving was over. (I am a Canadian so that’s early October).

I was very hurt by actions of close family members that I considered to be intentional and meant to harm during the holidays. I now have learned to identify the thinking that has led to this distress and replace these thoughts (beliefs) which more secure beliefs. I have two sisters and often they would make plans for everyone that didn’t work for my family or myself. This in particular used to get me really worked up. I now am learning to stop trying to control what they are doing. When they make plans that coincide with my schedule I attend but if they don’t I don’t make adjustments or get myself all worked up. I simply say I hope they have a good time but I won’t be able to attend. Funny thing is they now usually make a effort to change the event so I can attend when possible

I didn’t have the confidence to hold family get together's and if I did I compared myself to others and felt my efforts were not as good as other people. I now am able to hold family events if I chose, however, I have learned to lower my standards of what my results should look like. I only have to do an average job 51% is good enough.

This time of year everywhere you turn people are bombarded by the message that this should be the happiest season of all. I have learned to see this as roman-to intellectual thinking, totally unrealistic. Life is not like that, it doesn’t automatically change just because we turn the page of the calendar. The holiday season is just a season with an exceptional title. I now don’t expect the holiday season to be anything different than normal. Sometimes I am on my own at Christmas. It’s not being on my own on Christmas that is distressing, it’s the belief that it’s unbearable, that nobody should be alone! Recovery has helped me to enjoy my own company and that even includes the holidays. I enjoy the times I share with others. I also plan something special to enjoy on my own for those time I find myself alone.

I am learning that there is nothing I can do by thinking, complaining or getting into conflict with others that will improve my life. I am learning to focus on what choices I do have and gaining the courage to follow through with them even if others disapprove of them. My mental health has to come first or all other life’s purposes will be frustrated.

Best wishes for the holiday season!