The illness affected pretty much every area of my life. The one that was most painful and felt the most hopeless was the strained relationship I had with one of my daughters. Before recovery I had didn’t know how to control my inner environment (everything inside your skin). I hadn’t heard about not giving outer expression to your inner environment. We were very close when she was growing up. I counted myself blessed because she hadn’t really given me some of the usual difficulties that teenagers do. That was to change when she was a young Mom in her early 20’s. I expressed the insecure thoughts I had towards her in-laws and was told point blank; not to interfere in her family. She was cool, calm and chilly towards me after that time. I was afraid that our relationship had been permanently damaged and I spent much of my time preoccupied and worried about it.
Let’s back a little bit. When I came to the doors of recovery 5 years ago I was barely functioning, I could no longer get myself up and go to work. I was on sick leave and determined to find some type of help for myself. I made a call to the Canadian Mental Health Association and one of the counsellors there told me about Recovery Canada. I attended the very next meeting. I was welcomed by the leader and all the members. During the reading of Mental Health Through Will Training I was given hope realizing I wasn’t the only person that felt and thought the way I did.
I worried constantly and was kept awake many a night previewing and reviewing events that had upset me with no tools to stop what I called my “Hampster wheel” from turning. I talked to everyone and anyone who would listen to my problems. My oldest daughter, unfortunately for her was my sounding board for many years.
I heard the spot that complainers don’t get well and slowly learned to stop the complaining habit. I have been known to slip even now on occasion but I excuse myself and move on. I learned to replace my insecure thoughts about my daughter with the secure thought that she loves me but understandably has a difficult time dealing with my illness.
I also went online attended chat meetings, online meetings, joined our Facebook page. It has helped me so much and I owe a debt of gratitude for all the members who spotted and gently encouraged me on my recovery journey. I firmly believe that without the online community I wouldn’t have gained the level of recovery I have attained but just going to one face to face meetings. The fellowship of this group is essential. Dr. Low said he wanted us to associate with each other for many reasons but one was that we could would our strong link areas in a weaker link environment with our members.
I have posted constructed examples about my relationship with my daughter. I can now see they were all part acts in helping to restore our relationship to a healthier and respectful one. I tried, failed, tried failed until I succeeded to learn to control my insecure thoughts. I can now for the most part trigger spot these insecure thoughts about my daughter see them as ridiculous and replace them with secure thoughts.
Before recovery my daughter didn’t come to my place to visit me on a regular basis. She used to drop the grandchildren off for a visit and quickly exit the door before leaving them. Today she comes in for a visit for a couple of hours and I would say she enjoys our visits now.
Yesterday she was talking about going back to work and the new babysitter that will be taking care of the baby. This person jumps to conclusions about what other people mean when they say and do something, gets upset and talks about it. She said “She’s like you used to be” and joked. I guess I’ll be doing lots of listening!
This Mother’s Day I offer encouragement to those who are still working on improving relationships with their children. There is hope!
The method is simple but not easy and takes a good deal of effort but the rewards are immeasurable.
Let’s back a little bit. When I came to the doors of recovery 5 years ago I was barely functioning, I could no longer get myself up and go to work. I was on sick leave and determined to find some type of help for myself. I made a call to the Canadian Mental Health Association and one of the counsellors there told me about Recovery Canada. I attended the very next meeting. I was welcomed by the leader and all the members. During the reading of Mental Health Through Will Training I was given hope realizing I wasn’t the only person that felt and thought the way I did.
I worried constantly and was kept awake many a night previewing and reviewing events that had upset me with no tools to stop what I called my “Hampster wheel” from turning. I talked to everyone and anyone who would listen to my problems. My oldest daughter, unfortunately for her was my sounding board for many years.
I heard the spot that complainers don’t get well and slowly learned to stop the complaining habit. I have been known to slip even now on occasion but I excuse myself and move on. I learned to replace my insecure thoughts about my daughter with the secure thought that she loves me but understandably has a difficult time dealing with my illness.
I also went online attended chat meetings, online meetings, joined our Facebook page. It has helped me so much and I owe a debt of gratitude for all the members who spotted and gently encouraged me on my recovery journey. I firmly believe that without the online community I wouldn’t have gained the level of recovery I have attained but just going to one face to face meetings. The fellowship of this group is essential. Dr. Low said he wanted us to associate with each other for many reasons but one was that we could would our strong link areas in a weaker link environment with our members.
I have posted constructed examples about my relationship with my daughter. I can now see they were all part acts in helping to restore our relationship to a healthier and respectful one. I tried, failed, tried failed until I succeeded to learn to control my insecure thoughts. I can now for the most part trigger spot these insecure thoughts about my daughter see them as ridiculous and replace them with secure thoughts.
Before recovery my daughter didn’t come to my place to visit me on a regular basis. She used to drop the grandchildren off for a visit and quickly exit the door before leaving them. Today she comes in for a visit for a couple of hours and I would say she enjoys our visits now.
Yesterday she was talking about going back to work and the new babysitter that will be taking care of the baby. This person jumps to conclusions about what other people mean when they say and do something, gets upset and talks about it. She said “She’s like you used to be” and joked. I guess I’ll be doing lots of listening!
This Mother’s Day I offer encouragement to those who are still working on improving relationships with their children. There is hope!
The method is simple but not easy and takes a good deal of effort but the rewards are immeasurable.
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