This is the short story of how I got involved with Recovery International. In terms of depression and anxiety, I was a recidivist –in other words, these were my habitual response to difficulties in life. As a child I cried a lot, probably every night; I remember one time I decided I wouldn’t cry any more and that worked for awhile but of course I started again. As a 17-year-old in my first year of college, I received some counselling from a chaplain then later moved on to a series of counsellors, therapists, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, hypnotists, group leaders, etc. even though psychiatry and psychology were frowned on in my family: You just don’t talk about family problems with strangers. If some people are serial monogamists, I was a serial patient.
At the age of 23 and newly married, I had a “panic attack” while driving with my husband over a bridge in our VW Beetle. That was 33 years ago and I still have a bit of a phobia about bridges and tunnels, not to mention confined spaces, heights, airplanes and other things, but have made much progress in understanding how to avoid the vicious cycle.
The symptom I fear and hated the most was a sense of unreality. I’ve learned to recognize the physical symptoms and tempers that lead to that state (tight throat, racing pulse, fearful & angry thoughts and tempers) so I can usually nip it in the bud and avoid it, but if it comes, I can tell myself it’s “distressing but not dangerous” and it will rise and fall and come and go if I let it and don’t attach danger.
I started taking medications following the birth of my first child and have tried–and been thankful for–various ones over the years, but always hated the side effects. A few years ago, my doctor suggested looking into Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy; unfortunately my attempts to find a group in my city were not successful.
Then, serendipitously I met a woman–another participant–in a business skills workshop–and she was the best thing about it! She was involved in a self-help organization called Recovery Inc.–she actually led a face-to-face meeting and was involved in training leaders. I thought about going for a year or so but “couldn’t” because her meeting was on the other side of a bridge, but I finally called her when I had my next “relapse” into depression. Her pithy Recovery statements cut through the veil of unreality and fear I’d surrounded myself with, especially “For every setback there’s a comeback.”
By taking the bus, I managed to attend one of her meetings; I was in another city most of the time by then which didn’t have a face-to-face meeting. I took an inter-city bus for a couple of hours to attend one other meeting “close by”. Then another wonderful thing happened–Recovery International started phone meetings! I was fortunate to be on one of the first ones–it started in the Fall of 2006 and I’ve managed to make just about every meeting since then. I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s my lifeline. Nonetheless, I’m still an apprentice–we’re all apprentices in Recovery. I’m still learning, I’m still coping with bad habits (going for the symbolic victory is particularly pernicious), but now I know I don’t need to be perfect at Recovery practice either.
I’m very grateful for Dr. Low every day. I try to remember to endorse! And I appreciate all the counselors, therapists and friends who’ve helped me out along the way. What they said made a lot of sense, however, I didn’t know how to put their advice and suggestions into practice. Dr. Low’s system provides us with a way to practice every day, on the trivialities of every day life that can otherwise wear us down.
(Shared from a blog from a recovery member)
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